There is another world out there.
I’m not saying for one minute that I’m now suddenly a father, but it would be irresponsible/impossible to be with Menna (my GF) without Ffion (her 6 year old and one of my best friends) affecting my thought processes and thinking responsibly about how my presence affects hers.
This also resonates with my personal story – my Dad is not my natural father, he did the most unselfish thing that has ever been done for me and brought me up as his own.
Personally, after thinking for years that I was supposed to –
1. Not be a burden on society
2. Get a decent job and excel at it
3. Find a partner
4. Settle down in a big house paid for by me
5. Have kids
6. Be happy with all that
I gave up, I realised that life isn’t a pre programmed road that must be driven in a straight line, I realised I didn’t want the baggage of kids and I moved into a van. I don’t need kids to make me happy. I am extremely happy already and certainly don’t see the point of striving to have kids who would then strive to have more kids. To quote Alan Watts “that’s all wretch and no vomit”.
I personally can’t put my mind into the space that couples get into whilst going through IVF. Tearing themselves apart emotionally, desperately fighting to have their own child.
I also don’t know of an unselfish reason to have a child, having said that, I climb Alpine North faces to make myself happy…. a predominantly white middle classed privileged pastime that is extremely selfish.
We all do things to make ourselves happy or seek out things that we believe will result in happiness in the future but having a kid should not be put into this bracket.
Having said all this, I still rest by the fact that I don’t need to have my own child, but having Ffion around is ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. She’s one of my best friends. She’s one of the people that tests my tiredness the most too and it’s certainly not easy, but I’m committed to her and that’s what us parental types sign up for. Yes I just put myself in that bracket. No, I’m not married to Menna, no I’m not Ffion’s dad, but I’m committed to this now, we are all moving to France together, we hang out as a family, we support each other as a family, we look out for what’s best for each other – what difference would paperwork make? Commitment is commitment regardless of formality.
This post is not for me to state some big epiphany regarding having kids and list 10 reasons why they are so magical. Rather to process some of the thoughts that are new to me. One of them, is stronger than all the rest –
Due to my personal situation I have always been interested to what degree nurture and nature affect the make up of a person (me). Well, I can tell you this – all of the games I play with Ffion come from my Dad (the man who is my Dad, the one who brought me up), all of the stories I chose to read to her are the ones he chose to read to me, the attitude I have with her (mainly of stupidity and allowing her to just be a kid) comes from him. In turn, her attitude, sarcasm especially, is starting to reflect mine or rather the one I got from my Dad.
Thank you Dad for doing what you did for me. I can only hope to walk proudly in your footsteps.